Things I feel guilty about feeling as a mom, but need to express. (please don’t judge me:) )

1. I’m bored.  Yes I said it.  I love Finn. I love every little wrinkle, every toe, every smile.  But the days can be so monotonous.  Who knew I would miss thirty different students asking me million questions. That seemed easier.  Why is one little boy so challenging? Not that he isn’t an amazing baby.  He is always happy.  Even at four in the morning, when he decides to play with his new found love of screeching at the top of his voice. Sometimes I think he’s bored too.  Same toys.  On a rotation.  First tummy time, then the exersaucer, and then the jolly jumper.  Nap, eat, and then repeat. At least the sun is shining today.  When it’s monsooning it’s even worse.  I know this too shall pass, and every day is better.  I’ve connected with other momma’s and that helps, but I look forward to when Finn can pick out fun books at the library,  listen and understand a book and can go swimming.  Other moms, how do you deal with the boredom? I know I’m not the only one.

2. Sleep.  I have never been so obsessed about sleep.  How many hours have I slept, has Finn slept, has Michael slept.  How long a nap is a good nap?  Do you comfort or feed when Finn wakes up in the night?  Will I ever sleep through the night again?  Why do babies sleep amazing one night and crappy the next? I’ve read books, and websites all telling me I’m doing the wrong thing.  How do they know all the answers? Is crying it out the answer, or does it really cause drug addiction later in life?  It’s all consuming, and exhausting.  I need a nap just thinking about it.  As I write this, Finn has been napping for an hour. That feels good. I wonder when he will wake up?

3. There are some days I really just miss going out on a whim.  To a movie, out for dinner, to a play.  Staying up late and knowing you can sleep in the next morning.  I miss connecting with my husband without a baby interrupting us.  I’m lucky Michael and I had twenty years together of doing all those things before having a child.  I can’t imagine being married two years and then having it all change.  But I really do love Saturday mornings, where the three of us cuddle in bed, giggling while Finn plays with his toes. 

4. No one talks about all this.  Really.  All us mommas, are stuck at home, doing the hardest job in the world.  I’m sure it really isn’t,  but it certainly feels like it.  I look at all the moms and dads at our music class, as we all love and hug and sing with our children, (which is awesome), and I wonder are you feeling as sleep deprived and lonely and overwhelmed as I am? And yes, it is the most rewarding job, like everyone says.  There is nothing that beats hearing your baby giggle, or watch him roll from one end of the room to the other.  But we need to talk about the other part more, the hard part, and give each other support. We no longer live in a society where “it takes a village” is part of our daily life. I believe we need to find a way back to that.  I read an article on line several months ago which suggested that a mentor mother should be assigned to every first time mother upon the birth of their child.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful?  Someone to call in the early weeks when you are so sleep deprived and in a fog.  Someone to help you through the dark days of teething and you’ve been up all night.  Just someone to talk to when you really need it.

Those are the things on my mind. Just thought I’d share. Thank you for letting me rant. I feel better now.

I want you to all know,  I love being a mom. I love Finn more than I ever could have imagined. I love our morning snuggles, and watching him grow, develop and change right in front of me.  I love that I can influence him to be a better person in this world.  It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. 

 

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